Excuses......excuses

I've changed my template. I've always had a thing for dandelions. I even put them on the business card I give people to promote my reproductive psych services. But I found it fitting since it seems that wishing may be the only thing that could help us right now.


I have not posted in approximately one month and many of you may be wondering..... What has progressed with the adoption? Unfortunately, my response is......virtually NOTHING!
Sure, our out-of-state documents are getting authenticated, which is technically progress, but it feels like busy work more than anything else. 
You may be asking, "Well, surely, after seven months, that home study is completed by now." 
Unfortunately, my response is a shocking.....NO!


From what I understand, a home study is supposed to take two months... three months tops. So, what is taking so long? Craig recently asked me to share my emails with our home study worker (HSW) with him, so that he could investigate the problem, so I'd like to share our frustration with you.
I believe our home study was on November 30, 2010.


Me (January 11, 2011): I just wanted to check in and see how the home study was going. Is there anything else that you need or is there anything we can do to help?
HSW (January 11, 2011): I just need the background checks.  If you can get those to me as soon as you get them we can finish up the study. 


Coincidentally, our background checks arrived on Jan 11, so I sent them to her. Notice that she said that she "just" needed background checks.


Me (January 28, 2011): I just wanted to check in again and verify that you received the background checks and other forms. Thanks for your help.
HSW (January 28, 2011): Yes I received the background checks you sent me. I am out doing visits today so I don't have your case with me. Have you completed any training and do you have any documentation on training for me to put in the study?  If so can you email it to me because I will be working on youra this weekend. 


We had completed two of three training programs, so we took a week or so to finish the last one.


Me (Feb 9, 2011): I've attached the documents [verifying parent training]. Let me know if you need anything else.

HSW (Feb 9, 2011): Thank you. I am working on several studies at the same time and my goal is to have them all done by Monday. I will let you know as soon as I finish and it is sent to the agency reader. 
HSW (Feb 11, 2011): I am working on your study and I organized all the documentation.  The only thing I noticed that is not in here at the moment is a copy of your medical insurance card that the child will be placed on.
Me (Feb 11, 2011): I'm at work now and don't have access to a scanner. I can scan my card when I return home tonight.
HSW (Feb 11, 2011): Also I know we talked about the international adoption and agency but I did not write down what country you were planning on adopting from?  Are you set on one country?

 

Keep in mind, we informed her of this information SEVERAL times in November.

Me (Feb 11, 2011): We are planning to adopt from Ethiopia. This is the only country we are considering right now, but would be open to others if the right referral came along.

HSW (Feb 11, 2011): Okay I finally got through to someone in Virginia that supplied me with the child abuse registry form in Virginia.  It is attached.  Please complete it and it has to be notarized and mailed with a $7 fee.  I will am going to finish your study before these come back  so it can be read out by the agency.  Then once we get that we can sign and date it.

I have issue with this last email. She told us she would take care of the VA forms in November and was just NOW getting through to someone. A quick Google search and I found this info in three minutes. 

Me (March 3, 2011): I just wanted to check in again and see how the home study was going. We sent out our application for Virginia background checks on the 14th and I'm hoping they do not require the two months that Oklahoma required.

We then learned that Ethiopia was changing their program and panicked, so I contacted the director of the home study agency.

Me (March 10, 2011): We had contacted you last year and started our home study with [HSW] in November. We are still awaiting our results. We had originally intended to adopt through Ethiopia and an outside agency, but recently discovered that Ethiopia is changing their program, which would significantly affect our adoption and the time required to complete the adoption. How difficult is it to change our home study to a domestic adoption with [the agency]?

Director (March 11, 2011): I am going to let [HSW] know of the possible change and let her talk with you regaring the switch to domestic. [The agency] has agencies in 5 states and you would be put on the adoptive couple list for all 5 states.  There is an application that you can download from the website which is pretty extensive that we require when working with couples. I would be happy to talk with your further about what is needed and the process of adopting domestically.  Please feel free to email or call me and we can talk about this further.

Me (March 11, 2011): Thank you for getting back to me. We are still uncertain about adopting domestically or internationally. I had contacted our adoption agency.  With the changes that are occurring in Ethiopia, she is recommending that we alter our home study from a non-Hague to Hague format, so that we could use the home study interchangeably, if needed. With our home study near completion, is that going to be terribly problematic? I'm ccing [HSW] on this email.

Director (March 16, 2011): It has been a very crazy week with births in Oklahoma.  I just wanted to follow up and make sure you have talked with [HSW] regarding some possible changes.  If you have questions regarding domestic adoption or would like to begin that process, please feel free to give me a call. 

Me (March 16, 2011): Thank you for getting back to me. I have sent two emails to [HSW] about the progress on our home study, but have not yet heard back from her. We have decided against a domestic adoption, but after talking with an adoption expert, we are now pursuing a Chinese Special Focus adoption. This will require that our home study be written in the Hague format. I will try to contact [HSW] again to discuss this with her.

Director (March 16, 2011: That sounds good.  I will follow up with [HSW] also. 

Me (to HSW on March 16, 2011): I wanted to follow up on our home study. I'm not sure if you had heard the news, but the Ethiopian government has recently decided to reduce the number of applications it processes by 90%. This is expected to significantly slow the process and make adoptions in general less expeditious and reliable. After consulting with an expert in the field and our adoption agency (IFS), we have decided against pursuing an adoption in Ethiopia. Undoubtedly, this has thrown us for a loop and we felt that we have lost our (baby) bearings for a little bit. I contacted IFS and they have informed us that we would qualify for a China Special Needs adoption. However, as you know, China is a Hague country, whereas Ethiopia is not. I do not recall if you or [the agency] was Hague accredited. I recall that you had said you performed home studies for a many different countries. Due to this change, IFS is now requiring that our home study be written using the Hague format. They emailed me the format and outline, if you need it. If you and [the agency] are not accredited, you can still write the home study using the Hague format and IFS will act as a "supervising agency" and will perform a "clinical review."  Once the home study is complete, we will have everything we need to get our immigration approval and start the process.

 I apologize for asking to make changes so late in the game, but as I am quickly learning, conditions can change rapidly in international adoption.

 Please contact me and let me know if you need anything else from me.

HSW (March 16, 2011): Please call me this evening when you are off work so we can discuss all the changes so I can make sure I am on the same page before I totally revamp this study.

I called her and she informed me that she could make the changes. So, we sent her another $300 and started again. On March 16, 2011, I sent her the home study outline our agency uses for China. She then asked for a list of all states we have lived in since adulthood. I'm not copying the email where I listed the states because it contains a lot of personal info. But, I told her that I already had the forms for most states and then gave her instructions on how to get ones that I could not get (because they needed a letter from the agency). I told her that I could not find any information about Iowa.

HSW (March 18, 2011): The number for Iowa is Child Abuse Hotline/Registry.  1-800-362-2178 Let me know if you need help with this one.

I found the Iowa form and sent it in. Then.....

HSW (March 30, 2011): Does your agency have a format they want the China study completed in?  Most agencies have a specific formats and checklist, can you please check with them because I think I have everything to finish your study this weekend.  Also on the financial section the international regulations have changed some as you can see below.  So if you can complete the attached form in detail and fax it email it back to me that would be great.  Also am required to note how the income was verified with regards to savings, investments, etc. So if you have documentation on any of that we need to include that.  I hope that makes sense, if not please call or email me.

Note, that I provided this outline only two weeks before. We also completed the same financial form back in November, but we did it again anyway. I sent the outline (yet again) and our financial verification. Then....

Me (April 22, 2011): I wanted to just update you quickly. Late last week, our PA Background check form was returned to us. The form asks us to list every address we've had since 1975, which we tried to recall as best as we could. However, we apparently missed the section that asks us to list the names, ages, and relation of every person we've shared a home with since 1975. We corrected the error and sent it back. They estimate that it will take 2 weeks to get the background checks, but I am pessimistic since it took them one month to inform us that we had made the error. Have you received all the other background checks?

HSW (May 1, 2011): Okay I have double checked.  I have received [all] but not Iowa.  

 Everything else looks to be in order.  The only thing I will do is before we finalize the home study I will make sure we have current car insurance, pay stubs and things like that but lets wait until we get all the background checks so it is all current.  I may have to do another home visit just to say it is current if it is over 6 months but that is not a problem.

Me (May 1, 2011): I had worried that Iowa would give us a hassle. When I contacted them, they told me that they wouldn't do background checks and child abuse clearances for former residents. I eventually got the form we needed and sent it out. Since they were so unhelpful in the past, I don't know who to contact to get the status of the document. 

I have to alert you of some changes. The Chinese government is now requiring that all home studies be completed by a Hague accredited agency. If we wanted to continue with the adoption as is, we would have to have our completed dossier into China by October 1. This change has caused our agency, International Family Services (IFS) to implement a deadline of May 1. In order to continue with our adoption as is, we would have to have our home study completed, reviewed, and approved by IFS by May 1. Since our PA background check was returned, we knew there was no way that we would meet that deadline. We were given three options. IFS offered to extend the deadline for us shortly, but warned that we could have no delays or other hold-ups. With this option, there is still a possibility that we would still have to completely redo the homestudy. With Option 2, we would have to completely redo the homestudy, pay another $2300, and start from scratch. With Option 3, we could return to Ethiopia and wait. None of these options sounded particularly favorable. However, the thought of having to start over completely from scratch is incredibly frustrating. We don't want to feel like we are taking steps backwards. So, after much thought, we have decided to return to Ethiopia's program. We were quite frustrated with this recent turn of events because this means that our homestudy could have been completed 2-3 months ago, but feel that this is the best option for us for now. We are concerned that the multiple switching will cause us to look like irresponsible parents, but IFS assures us that this is pretty normal for prospective adoptive parents.   

We were originally going to wait for the Hague-format homestudy, so we can have it in place just in case. However, we also know that we can use the original homestudy you wrote instead. 

HSW (May 1, 2011): Send me the contact information you have from Iowa and I will try  to contact them and if they deny me from obtaining  them I can just document that and that should work.  Now Pennsylvania did not take too long for another family I have.  When did you sent that one?

Me (May 1, 2011): We sent in this form for Iowa. I can't be certain, but I believed we called 800-243.0756 for the information.

The Pennsylvania clearance delay was my fault. There is a box that asks you to list every person you've lived with since 1975 and I left that out. I corrected the forms and sent them back about 10-14 days ago. Their website says it takes 2 weeks to get a response, but it took them 1 month to tell us that I had erred. 

HSW (May 1, 2011): Okay I will try to touch base with Iowa this week. 

Me (May 9, 2011): Did you ever hear from Iowa? I'm still waiting for the results from Pennsylvania.

HSW (May 9, 2011): No I have not heard from Iowa. 

Notice that she said she had not "heard" from Iowa. No mention of calling them as she promised.

Me (May 10, 2011): I am attaching a copy of the PA child abuse clearances, hoping to speed along the process. I am dropping the original copies in the mail today. I tried to contact Iowa. They say that they do not do clearances for former (not current) residents and could not give me a letter that documents that. They put me in contact with an individual at the [the county where Craig lived], who will write the letter, but he will be in a conference until Monday.

Then no response.

Me (May 19, 2011): I am sending the Iowa child abuse check, which is our last background check. When I return home tonight, I will send you are pay stubs and our insurance verification. Do you require anything else?

HSW (May 20, 2011): I wanted to let you know I received your email.  I also wanted to make sure you are still going to adopt through china?  Do you want the study to be written for just international Or would you consider domestic too?

Me (May 20, 2011): We are not interested in domestic. I had sent you an email a few weeks ago. China changed their home study requirements, so we had to return to Ethiopia or face having to completely redo the home study, but we wanted to keep doing the Hague home study since you already started it.

I then forwarded the email from May 1.

HSW (May 20, 2011): I do remember getting this but I guess I did not read it all the way through. 

Nothing for awhile, then...

Me (May 31, 2011): I just wanted to check on the status of our home study.

Me (June 6, 2011): I just wanted to check on the status of our home study.

HSW (June 7, 2011): Sorry I have been extremely swamped with end of the year state stuff. I will do my best to work on it this weekend. 

This week, we heard nothing, got no response. I have been emailing because it allows me to have record of communications and its controlled. With all these delays, I am worried that I will snap and say something wrong, which will affect our home study. Craig and I decided that we needed to call and finally get some answers. I worried that I would cry (because it is our family after all) and then get angry that I cried and then get frustrated that I cried and got angry. 

So, I gave Craig a copy of the emails. He called HSW yesterday and she was told that she was busy and would get it to us next week. When he asked why she didn't do it this weekend, like she had promised, she cited power outages in her area. Granted, there were some thunderstorms that knocked out power in her area... on Tuesday or Wednesday! 

Frustrated, Craig called the agency director to complain. She told him that she was unable to do anything because HSW was not an employee, but a subcontractor. Well, she's still working with your agency, you should care.
Craig said he was cordial this time, but may not be so nice next time. We have been quite passive and very cordial through this whole process. These people hold the future of our family in their hands and we worry that getting upset or angry (when it may be justified) may cause us to look like unfit parents.  So, I'm worried that Craig being "not so nice" will affect the home study when it is clearly within our right to be "not so nice." Regardless, I can feel my body shaking, starting from my gut and radiating through my limbs, every time I think about the home study and the incompetence we've encountered. These people make families for a living. How can they NOT understand how important a timely response is? And how frustrating all these delays and excuses can be for a family who has already waited 10 years?