The past few weeks have been filled with moments like this. Last week, I brought Sera into Target with me. I was holding her and she was quickly becoming annoyed with our wait at the pharmacy. A little girl was immediately attracted to Sera and ran to my side. She began fawning over Sera, announcing, "I wish she'd look at me. She's so cute!" When my prescription finally arrived, I moved to the side and the girl asked oddly, "Does she have a grandma?" I know she has a grandmother in Craig's mother, but I immediately thought of my mother. I responded, "Yes, she has a grandmother who loves her very much."
Since Sera has been born, I have worked hard to find a way to keep my mother in her life. I placed a picture of my mother and me in her room and we often point to pictures of her, labeling the woman in the picture as "emae." When Sera was first born, she had days and nights confused and I spent many nights standing in her room, rocking her, and whispering to her. Nursery rhymes? No. Lullabies? No. The daily news? Nope. I told her emae stories. Not just the stories about what a good person she was and how she seemed to be friends with everyone she met. I shared all the fun quirks about emae, things we may not have documented in pictures. How she brought troll dolls to Bingo and cut their hair for good luck. How she cut notches in her jeans because she had difficulty finding a pair that fit. How she made me grilled cheese sandwiches every day after class my first year of college. How she collected cleaning supplies like they were baseball cards or designer handbags. How she looked when she first played Pac-man. Eventually, these stories would help lull baby Sera to sleep and as I laid her down, I felt that she was protected in a bubble of emae love.
As she gets older, it will be interesting to see how I can instill a little bit of Laotian heritage in Sera's life, even if she doesn't have the genetic heritage. I can't wait until Sera starts asking me questions about her and I can share stories, show her pictures, and explain the various odd mementos I've kept.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Sera and what my mother would have thought of her. She would call her "cue" (her pronunciation for cute) and comment on her "big eye" (mom had problems with plurals sometimes). She would be fascinated by Sera's crinkly nose smile and would brag about Sera's mellow, observational demeanor. She would be outwardly embarrassed that I gave her the middle name of "Malay," but I think secretly, it would have meant a lot to her.
Since Sera has been born, I have referred to myself as "Mommy," but the word "emae" has been thrown around a few times. We called my mother "emae," which is the Lao word for "mother." Although inaccurate, my nephews often called my mother "emae" because that's what my brothers and I called her. I never learned the Lao word for grandmother. Technically, I am Sera's emae, but it seems disrespectful to call myself that. It is almost as if that name should have been retired two years ago. I'll still consider the "emae" title, but now I need to be "mommy."
I know I just updated you on Sera last week as we commemorated three months. This week, we have been working with Sera on rolling over. She tries, but is not there yet. She seems to have very strong upper body strength and has been pushing up with her arms and chest for weeks. She loves to kick, so we believe her legs are getting stronger. She just hasn't quite mastered the movement of rolling. We'll get there. For now, its just been fun trying her out with new toys as she develops:
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