Hair, race, and afro puffs

I cannot believe that I have not posted in the past two months. Our little Sera is now 8 months old. Last time I checked, she had just surpassed the 16 lbs mark and has recently started wearing 6-9 month clothes, so she continues to be quite the little girl. In the past two months, Sera has been working towards multiple milestones. She has not mastered crawling. She only recently started scooting forwards (having mastered backwards and sideways long ago) and yesterday took two crawling steps to get to Addie. We have found it difficult to motivate Sera to crawl. All the books tell us to place objects just outside Sera's reach, motivating her to move forward to get them. Sera then becomes incredibly savvy. If the toy is placed on the edge of the blanket, Sera will take the blanket with her hands and then crumple it up until the toy is close enough to reach. If she has access to another toy, she will use that toy to reach the desired toy. (It is very reminiscent of Kohler's Insight Learning. AHHH! EPPP flashback!) However, when toys did not motivate, dogs did. Sera will gladly roll herself into the crawling position to grab at the puppies or to play with their dog tags. The dogs are very tolerant with her. Fred normally nips at Craig or me if we touch her paws (and has a full meltdown at the groomers during a nail trim), but she is content to have Sera rub her paws, pull her ears, and use her to pull up from a prone position.

Sera has not started teething yet. We think this is imminent, as she has been rubbing her jaw a lot and has been sticking her fingers to touch a particular part of her mouth. Right now, we are okay about waiting for the teething process. The past month has been difficult on Sera's health and we don't want to add teething to the mix right now. I can happily announce that Sera has officially been healthy for an entire week. Sera had a total of three colds and an ear infection in the span of a month and each ailment came with an uncomfortable eczema outbreak, wheezing, coughing, decreased appetite, and restless sleep. In the past week, Sera has returned to sleeping through the night (without a humidifier YAY!) and her appetite is slowly returning. With her being as small as she is, her 3 oz breakfasts were a concern.

Sera has developed little quirks that provide windows into her emerging personality. Like other babies, she likes her reflection, but must get REALLY close to her reflection:

She is fascinated by the Apple commercials that play catchy music, coupled with images of apps and descriptive words. She will drop everything and focus on them when they come on and then immediately return to play as soon as its over.

She loves music and has started dancing. Her dance involves bouncing, wiggling, and shaking her head back and forth. I also obtained a fun video of Sera rocking with a xylophone.

I have been planning a post for months addressing some issues regarding race and Sera's hair. I finally have the opportunity. The issue of race is something that has been sensitive to me since I was in elementary school. I am technically mixed race- half SE Asian and half Caucasian. However, I did not fit in with the other "mixed" kids because I seemed to belong to a minority of the minorities. I can recall girls asking, "What are you?" in the 2nd grade or having to count myself as "other" on demographic surveys in high school. So, when we decided to adopt an African-American baby, I felt cautious. Here I am, a mixed race woman parenting a child of a completely different race. Would society be accepting? Could I help Sera develop some kind of racial identity? I kept flashing back to a time in high school when an African American female friend was walking hand-in-hand with a Caucasian male friend. Another African American man called out to her, "Give a brother a chance." Would African American families look at Sera and me and think I shouldn't be parenting her?

I found myself becoming very self-conscious about her hair. For those of you who have never managed African American hair, it is a completely different experience, but such a crucial element to Sera's self-concept and racial identity. I have not mastered it, but I am working. I initially consulted with my hair stylist (the talented Elizabeth) and then the hair stylist next door, who specializes in African American hair. She recommended a moisturizer for children and said I could purchase it as any beauty supply store. I ventured into Ulta. As a beauty supply store, I figured they had everything. I wandered around that store and could not find a single African American hair product. I asked the cashier, who directed me to a stylist. She then recommended a detangling spray. I asked if it was for African American hair and she said that it did not matter. Her daughter used it on her child, who is Mixed Race. I picked up the recommended detangler and asked the cashier why they did not carry African American hair products. She noted that corporate believed that they could use the same products as anyone else as there was little difference. As I drove home, I wondered about all of the products they had specifically for blondes. Surely, they can use the same products as anyone else. Unsatisfied by her response, I emailed Ulta and participated in the most frustrated customer service exchange in a long while:
Me: I was in your Midwest City Ulta store several weeks ago, looking for some products for my daughter. My daughter is now 7 months old. She is African American and is adopted. I had entered the store, hoping to find products for her dry, course, curly, yet beautiful hair. I was gravely dismayed to find that your store has no items specifically for African American hair. I approached a sales clerk, who directed me to a hair stylist. The hair stylist recommended a leave-in spray conditioner and I walked out of the store with the Carol's Daughter product. While it does condition my daughter's hair, her hair remains brittle and dry and I would have liked to see a larger selection of shampoos and conditioners, as well as combs and clips for African American hair. As I was checking out, I asked the associate why Ulta did not carry African American products (as most other stores do). She reported that corporate felt that African Americans could use the same product as anyone else and that they did not feel a need to carry a different or specific product. Since I style both my hair (I am of Asian descent) and my daughter's, I can tell you that the hair is not the same and I believe that a specific product is warranted. As I drove home frustrated, I began to ponder, what about the other specialized products. Your website has 19 different types of shampoos for blondes. Couldn't they also use the same products as everyone else? Why is it your stores will cater to those hair types, but exclude African Americans?
Ulta: Thank you for contacting ULTA Guest Services regarding the unsatisfactory guest service your encountered at our Midwest City, OK store, #357.  We at ULTA are committed to our guests and we're sorry to hear your visit was not enjoyable.  We strive to see that our guests receive excellent customer service while in our store's. Please know that your concerns and comments are important to us.  By way of this email the stores District Manager will be informed of your experience.  We appreciate the feedback our guests provide to us and will be investigating your concerns thoroughly.  We hope that your future visits to our stores will be much more enjoyable. If you have any additional questions or concerns please contact us further.  We will be happy to hear from you.  We appreciate your business and look forward to your next visit to ULTA.
Me: Could you email me the District Manager's response? I am curious to hear what he/she said. Thank you.
Ulta: The District Manager usually doesn't send us her response.  Is there a certain product and brand you are looking for and I can contact our inventory team and see why they don't have it available at the store?  I know that sometimes it depends on the location of the store and demographics on what products are sold.
Me: No, my original question was more related to corporate policy regarding the products you stock, rather than a specific item. 
Ulta: Every location is different on what we stock based on demographics.  Have you looked at our web site to see if the product is available there?
Me: It wasn't a specific product. If you review original email, I was asking a question about the lack of African-American products in the store. It was a inquiry about the types of products, rather than a specific item. 
Ulta: I will send you complaint to our inventory team.  It most likely is a demographics reason that we don't carry a lot of the products for African American hair types.  I apologize for any inconvenience.

We continued to use the spray in detangler for awhile before venturing into Sally Beauty Supply, which had the conditioner the stylist next door recommended, but not a single person who could help me style Sera's hair. 

Ultimately, it wasn't the conditioning/moisturizing/washing of Sera's hair that intimidated me. It was the styling. In my research on African American hair, I came across a couple of articles that made me worry. In one article, an adoptive mom of an African American girl encounters a overly-critical store clerks. In another article, Angelina Jolie is criticized for her care (or lack of) her daughter's hair. Until two months ago, we were overly reliant on the headband. Sera has always had a very sensitive scalp and I was terrified to try and do anything else with it. So, I became paranoid that I would be accosted in the grocery store and accused of neglecting my daughter's hair needs. 

I then started experimenting with Sera's hair, attempting our first ever Afro puffs in January. (If you are like me, when you first hear the term, Afro Puffs, you immediately think they are some kind of racist breakfast cereal, but they are baby pig tails with curly hair). Our first attempt was incredibly stressful, as Sera was clearly not a fan. But we continued and persevered. Sera is now more tolerant of my efforts to hair style, but it has become incredibly difficult to get her parts straight. Sera has a tendency to turn her head in the middle of styling or tries to grab or look at the comb while I'm using it. Presently, Sera has four hairstyles:

Natural with a headband

Afro puffs with bows

Standard Afro puffs (shown here with Craig's favorite snack)

Crazy "bed hair" that occurs the day after Afro Puffs

I am actually pretty excited to try new things with her hair, but I don't think I'm there yet. I'm a little scared to see what braiding will do to her sensitive hair and scalp. But when the time comes, I am thankful for a site called, Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care, which provided step-by-step instructions for hair styling African American hair. This site has not only provided instruction on hair care, but put my mind at ease. I am not the only mommy out there paranoid about her child's hair. Thus far, thankfully, only one person has criticized my styling of Sera's hair. It was a gentle critique, but still bothered me. 

I know that our hair styling routine will become part of Sera's identity and how she classifies herself. As she gets older, I will continue to help Sera find herself as an African American girl and then a woman. I will teach her to be accepting and tolerant, as she comes from a very diverse household. (Not every household has the manger scene and two Buddha statues displayed in December.) Hopefully, society will also be accepting of our very multicultural household.