Happy chaos

We have no major news on our adoption. Approximately five weeks ago, we were informed that we would have a referral in 4-6 weeks. Thankfully, we didn't allow ourselves to become very optimistic about that number, as we've heard the promises before. I did receive an email from our adoption agency last week. The director asked if she could use our profile book as a sample and ended the email with "We are printing more profile books and there are many more birthmothers looking now.  =)))  More birthmoms mean more possible matches so I'm very hopeful." I decided to remind the director of her prior promise and responded in a somewhat passive-aggressive manner (trying to keep her honest and remind her that you shouldn't make promises you can't keep): "We are looking forward to a match soon. Our nursery furniture should be delivered next week (though we still have a cradle at the ready if it happens sooner). Today marks week 4 of the 4-6 week match wait you quoted, so we're both very excited." She seemed to catch onto my dastardly plan and then responded with a more realistic (yet diverting blame) manner:  "I'm glad you are getting nursery furniture.  =)  I was told to print up some more profile books for you so we are printing off another 20 of them.  The caseworkers love your profile book so they are sending it out a lot!  This is wonderful.  The right birthmother will pick you so we are all very happy."  As an aside, her use of emoticons unnerves me more than any other equal sign and end paren. I also realize that her need to print off more profile books means that A LOT of birth moms have looked at us and rejected us, which we knew would happen, so we're fine with it. We can't be a perfect match for everyone. We understand that. 

Although we haven't had as much "action" as promised on the match front, a lot has been occurring behind the scenes. The Repanshek household has descended into chaos, but its a good thing. We had originally planned to convert our guest room into the baby's room. However, after much discussion, we decided to convert Craig's "man cave" into the baby's room and move the man cave into the guest room. Long story short... we made the decision because it meant that we would only have to rearrange two rooms instead of three. Unfortunately, this means that I have to paint another room, but I'll live. In this chaos, furniture and knick knacks are being displaced and moved about: 

This used to be our dining room. It now contains everything from the guest room plus more. 

Our two car garage (which miraculously held two cars to protect them from the Oklahoma hail) is now full of boxes of baby furniture.

While in the flux of moving, Craig's former man cave is now a room of random toys, books, and vintage electronics. It is as if a small tornado hit Comic Con.

I think this whole project is going to take several weeks to complete between replacing the carpet in the nursery (the room where Maya spent her final days), painting, and assembling furniture. So, having to wait a little longer for a match is sort of a blessing in disguise right now. 

Since we are waiting a little longer than originally intended, I now feel less paranoid about travelling from home. Next weekend, I will be returning back to Virginia to celebrate my dad's birthday. I had hoped to throw a baby shower when I was home, so that we could celebrate Sera's upcoming, but indeterminate, but still upcoming, arrival. However, it appears that the last weekend of April is a major travel/social weekend (I, too, am guilty), as not a single soul could make it. I will honestly say that I was disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. I had been looking forward to sharing this moment and finally having a baby shower for the past 11 years. To come so far and not see it happen really stung. This post is not a passive-aggressive dig at those of you who were invited and its not a thinly veiled criticism. I don't blame anyone and I'm not angry at people or my friends. Just frustrated with the whole situation. For years, I've gone to baby showers, bought baby gifts, and played silly games, all the while feeling happy for my friends, but telling myself, "Some day, this will be you." I think my emotions swirled when Craig asked me, "Isn't someone else other than the mother supposed to plan these things?" I reminded him that my best friend, Serenity was the baby shower mastermind and then it hit me...... my mother won't be there. For years, she talked to me about how much she wanted to have a baby shower and how she would knit baby Repanshek a blanket. I knew that my mom would not be a part of my baby's life, but never stopped to think about all the individual memories my mom would miss. 

We will still have a baby shower in Oklahoma with the few friends I have here, but since my friends in Virginia have been subjected to hearing me whine and prattle on about babies for over a decade, I thought a baby shower would be a nice way to see the story near its conclusion. No worries. Everyone can ooh and ahh over Sera when I can make the trip to Virginia with her (whenever that may be). 

Since we are now allowing ourselves to buy baby items, I have been picking up little pieces here and there. I found a very Cyndi and oh-so fashionable diaper bag that I absolutely had to have. Whether it is as functional as it is fashionable remains to be seen. I browse the clearance racks at Old Navy, JCPs, and Target and clip coupons and have managed to pick up really inexpensive pacifiers, a swing, and clothing items. Although buying baby clothes has proved tricky. I've looked at three month old clothing and there is a lot of cute summery outfits out there. But I don't know if Sera will fit into summery dresses at three months or if she'll need something warm and long-sleeved. I guess I'm getting some all-weather stuff. So, our cache of baby stuff is slowly growing:

We have even received our first official baby present (the red bag behind the diaper bag). I am tempted to open it, but since we are determined to have an Oklahoma baby shower, the bag remains unopened, taunting me.